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Twelve Days

Christmas and New Year are with us and a new decade has started. For most (though not nearly enough) this signals good cheer and forking out on stuff that is intended to bring smiles and keep our dying high streets going. Not sure that is working actually, most high streets now could be used to film zombie movies.


Those 12 days have different meanings to different people. Far too many will have been dreading the whole entire charade. More concerned with hoping the electric doesn't run out, or feeding the kids on Xmas day. Our Victorian society really is a dog eat dog thing.

All of that is without considering those sleeping outside in the freezing cold.


What do those 12 days mean to me ? Maybe i'm being a little selfish here, but, its my site and I really will "cry if I want to" !


It is New Years Day, no buses to speak of, rubbish on the box, strangely we have a clear sky and bright sunshine. The news channels are churning out so called highlights of the year just gone. Pictures of the Royals and the odd brainless celebrity grinning for the cameras. As far as I'm concerned the decade just gone has been terrible.

Mainly due to us being under Tory misrule. Make your own mind up about that.

So, January 1st. To me, that just signals 12 days until a certain anniversary ticks around.

That being the anniversary of my 21yr old son bleeding out in a Basra field hospital.


Bit heavy that is it not ? It happened.


At the time the media stampeded to talk to me. Television stations, radio stations, live interviews to the entire nation, front pages of national newspapers, stopped in the street, phone endlessly ringing (I will never know how they got my mobile number)

Operation Weeting and the dark undertones of phone hacking (remember that),

It went on and on. There soon appeared to be a problem with all of this.


Amidst all of this I was trying to prepare for the service, sat next to Als Two year old who kept shouting for his "Daddy" in the packed out church. Along with this I soon picked up on the fact that all the media wanted was for me to say certain things. Me being me all I was interested in saying was that which I wanted to honestly say. This did not go down with them very well, I told one reporter who rang me to fuck off because he had an article ready written, about the poor equipment "the lads" were using , and what an evil being Blair is, and would I put my name to it. He also indicated that they would make it worth my while. Somebody else will have said yes.

Needless to say my sharp retort ensured they never rang me again.


As i sit here now, I've just heard that orange idiot Trump is sending more troops to Iraq, and has warned Iran that there will be "terrible consequences" if any American dies. (pity he doesn't take that attitude regarding any of the regular mass shootings in his country). I have to ask, is the human race incapable of learning ? If you consider the appalling and ongoing antics of the Government of Israel, and the way the majority of the so called developed world turns a blind eye you have to wonder ?


12 days and the calendar is ticking. The psychological cloud is approaching. Everyone else wants to jump up and down with tinsel around their necks and get thoroughly pissed. The UK did that a few years back as Asia drowned, the Australians have just done it while its country becomes a deathly inferno.


I don't know if my outlook is how it should be. I have done bad things to the wrong people since Al died in January 2007. Sitting in front of Counsellors was utterly pointless, they know nothing due to not actually being in my position. Having done a course is not the right experience whatever the good intentions.


So, what would enable me to just get on with it like everyone else ?


It really is quite simple actually. Being able to stand at a Cenotaph on Remembrance Day and be glad of a warless world would be immense. If only I could do just that. No war, on Earth, in the 21st century. Imagine that. It would not bring Al back. It very likely would bring my appetite for tomorrow back though. Also, here's the clever bit, it would mean MANY lives had been extended. Not rocket science is it ?

Why is London the arms sales showroom of the planet ? Executives jostling to reserve a space and sell their WMDs. Faceless millionaires jostling to pile it even higher, as they sentence inhabitants of under developed lands to premature and instant deaths.


Why do I know that all this money for blood will go into the pockets of those who already do not need money ?


The RAF has been training Israeli pilots across Lincolnshire skies, we have military personnel in a few countries teaching various armies about tactics, why ?


My sons death seems to me to have no particular value attached to it. Somebody somewhere, who has a brass nameplate on the door, could probably attach a cash value to it, but I never will be able to see it like that. I have been offered money to say this and that here and there,and never once done it. I have travelled the country to visit others in my damned position, at my own expense just to try and make a difference.

I never jumped on the "Blairs head on a stick" bandwagon because the day he died I said to myself, "I will never make a penny out of this" and I never have.



What does this actually mean ? Mrs May was a complete and utter failure as PM.

Here is the thing though, her husband is a major shareholder in Arms companies and has millions in his account. Obviously there are many others with huge accounts fed with money from war, I don't even know who they are.


I do know this though, I have more integrity than any one of you. How dare you all turn up at the Cenotaph and look "serious" for the cameras. You will not see me there. I refused an invite to the yearly festival at The Royal Albert Hall because I could never, in all good conscience sit in the same room as any of you.

Who is the fool here, me,, or the one with the multi Million quid personal account ?


Anyway, as I said earlier, the calendar is ticking, tomorrow is another unwanted day.


A warless Earth,,,,,, yeah right.


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© 2020 Bill Stewardson